Fict & Fash

soooo, I put three of it to a contest… wish me luck, ppl! xDD

matt

misa

L – Ryuuzaki

I was born to be bad.

Okay, so it’s not comes from nowhere like most of my idea, it comes from somewhere.

Few days before this was written, I took a Facebook application about what is my birthdate in Hijrah (Islamic) year. And the result…, well, to be blunt, is bad.

I’ve asked my brother if he already took the quiz too. And his result is not that bad.

No, mine (for as long as I know) is the worst.

Here’s my result; oh, and by the way~ My birthday in common year is September 29th in 1992.

Bulan kelahiran Islam anda adalah pada 1 Rabiul Akhir 1413 Hijrah iaitu jatuh pada hari Selasa.

Maksud : Bulan kedua musim bunga.

Sifat : Mempunyai perwatakan yang jahat dan hati anda tidak tetap. Fikiran dan kemahuan anda yang lemah, buruk nafsu, mempunyai perwatakan yang kasar serta mudah “datang tangan” (nak melempang orang ler tuhh). Kehidupan anda menjadi sukar kerana tabiat buruk anda itu. Ibu bapa anda menempuh kesukaran dalam mendidik anda.

And for the love of God, it is true.

I know, shockingly it is.

People in common (that would be my friends) would know me as a cheerful, happy, easy-going, nice, friendly person. But no one knows, deep inside, I’m a b*tch, well, until now

Now you guys know it, let me explain myself further.

I was filled with Seven Deadly Sins. Heck, I’m more than that. But mostly, I filled with envy. And that start the wrath sometimes. And gluttony. And so on~

Oh. And my favorite part: I’m a big liar. HUGE one. And when I said HUGE, it really does means HUGE. Until now, and maybe further, nobody ever nows what’s lay beneath the underneath. Nobody knows what I’m really thinking about. No body knows what is my life in truth. Nobody, except myself, and God Almighty.

Bluntly I would say, it’s no hard for me.

Of course once in awhile I think about the sins, and all the consequences. But then, I just smile and do my dirty life like it was pure clean one. I’m a devil, perhaps. And I’m a sinner (yea, like anyone else not. haha). I don’t know what can stop me. Because as long as I live, there is no way that effectively work for me.

One said I have to push myself over the edge, look for the worst possibilities, be scared, and then live better. I did exactly like the one’s says. And guess what? There’s a one fine line in my head, saying: so? It’s my life that I’m living. It’s my things that I would take responsibilities at. The worst or the best that happen, is just my sh*t to do.

I know~. Our life is God’s given to us. He gave it, to be lived the best by us. To be use for goods. To be clean at the end.

And, astaghfirullah I would say, it’s just glides through. Not even one single word goes to my heart and my brain to do. I just know what is right, and what is wrong. But I’m not making a move. I’m not on the right side. And I’m still not that worst.

I’m stuck in the middle.

So, scratch that way.

Another one said, I have to look beyond happiness. Look for all the stars that I will have if I do good. I did. And there’s one point that said; nah, those stars are not as sparkly as it seems to be. Why give it your best and even your life?

Again, I know~. We have to look for the future. Because that’s where we live after this exact time. But then again, the stupid girl just stay with her stupid alter-ego. With her stupid laziness. With her stupid dark life of ‘happiness’ within.

Dump that kind of advice.

There’s so many way I’ve heard. Sometimes I just think that I’ve tried everything. But my favorite one will be the love. As pathetic as it sounds.

Many people said that oh-so-called love will change people. Their appearances, their move, their way of thinking, even their life. I’ve search for it. And once I’ve found one.

Well, at least that what I thought.

And yes, it did changed me. I’ve become a new me.

Sadly, I’ve become worse than before.

I don’t know why. I guess the freak line that saying ‘love is blind’ makes me so. You see, if someone leave me, or just hurting me a bit, and don’t say sorry, they got one same thing: hatred from me. With cherry on top.

Sometimes, I do want to make up things… And do it peace ways. But the person still being a b*tch they are. Oh, that will increase my hatred so much much much more. And in one point, I just don’t feel to say sorry, or forgiven.

I’ve got two names for it.

Two of them say I’m a stupid, hideous, ‘trash’ girl on a writing site.

I know both of you realize, misses. So don’t act angelic. Please. Keep it.

And don’t say I never say sorry. I’ve said it. TWICE, might I add. Why don’t you just play nice…? Or maybe, you just as bad as I am. Well, that’s a whole different story.

Call me drama queen, but no one ever love to be bash behind by someone who’s not even better than them.

Yes, misses, I’m still talking about you two.

Ahem. Next.

So, yea, the point of this whole thing is:

I’m still searching.

For the way. For the answer. For the truth. For a person that truly knows me. 

Maybe, the Hijrah birth year saying is right. Maybe it’s wrong too. No one knows.

But if somebody know how to cure this demonic life of mine, please, do tell help me.

I’m not a good girl indeed, but I want to be one.

I mean, who’s not?

‘Til then, I’m still gonna live this lovely life of mine which accidently mysterious for people to handle with.

Love y’all,
Riandati Lestari or Nanda like most of you know  

p.s
I’m sorry, for whatever I did in the past.
Just… Feel have to say it.
And misses, it the THIRD time for you, y’know